As a woman who had her first child at age 42 and a second child at age 44, I have come to the realization to remain upbeat and positive, there are three things that an expectant first time mom over 40 and women who are considering motherhood over 35 should avoid. The three things to avoid are:
1-Message Boards that ask the how old is too old to have a baby. Even now that I have two healthy (thank God) children, ages 2 and 4, my spirits can be brought down by reading the postings on many message boards.
Myths on the boards are accepted as truth such as babies born to first time moms over 35 will be unhealthy or have a major birth defect. This is so far from the truth I wrote You Can Have A Healthy Pregnancy Over 35.
Another popular myth that gets a lot of agreement is children of older parents will resent or be ashamed that their parents are not the same age as the parents of their friends. Usually the adult child of an older parent expresses how ashamed she was as a teenager of her parents’ age.
By the time I’ve completed reading the posting of “Miss So-Ashamed” I want to say to her, “girlfriend, you need a taste of reality. Were you the only one of your friends who was ashamed of her parents?” For every teenager who is ashamed of his older parents I’ll show you another who is ashamed of his younger parents for other reasons.
A teenager may be ashamed because his thirty-something year old dad is not as good in athletics as his classmate’s dad. Or a teenager may be ashamed his dad drives a car from prehistoric times while his classmate’s dad drives a car from the future.
A fourteen year old teenage girl may be ashamed because her mom is not as slim and as pretty as her best friend’s mom. Or she may be ashamed that her mom wore old-fashioned shoes to Parents Day.
2-Television and radio shows that ask the how old is too old to have a baby. As if it is not bad enough to read the postings of people who believe you shouldn’t have a baby a day after your 25th birthday, the television and radio shows bring you voices and faces of people who believe this.
I remember watching a popular talk show that compared the decision of a mom over 40 to have a baby with the decision of a child under 16 to have a baby. I felt sorry for the older mom who didn’t stand a chance defending her decision against the obvious disapproval of the savvy television host.
3- People who seem to have the answer to how old is too old to have a baby. Yes, I have an age limit in the back of my mind that I believe is too old to have a baby. However, because I believe that only God can decide how old is too old to have a baby and He hasn’t revealed the answer to me, I leave room for my age limit to be wrong.
If you are an expectant first time mom over 40 or a woman over 35 who is considering motherhood, remember to eat healthy and listen to the advice of your doctor. And if you want to remain emotionally upbeat, please heed my advice.
Cynthia Wilson James is a former childbirth educator, author, a midlife mom of two bubbly toddlers and a stepmom She provides private telephone consultations to expectant and new moms over 35 and 40 and women considering late in life motherhood. You can reach her at her website
www.inseasonmom.org.
