Several years ago, I worked with a very handsome guy whom I was attracted too. We flirted with each other quite frequently around the workplace. But, we both knew that it would not go any further because we worked together and relationships do not always work out when you work at the same firm.
Eventually, I left the firm. I decided that I was going to ask him out. Yes, I did have a fear of being rejected. I had seen photographs of his ex wife and she was very beautiful. I could not compete with that. Why would he be interested in me? I am not saying that I am an ugly duckling, but I think that I do fall short in the looks department. I had to know whether he felt the same way about me as I did about him.
So, what did I do? I went out with my sister for an evening and talked it over with her. She told me that I should contact him and try to arrange a date. After several glasses of wine I plucked up the courage to telephone him. Boy was I glad when I got his answering machine! I left a short message on his answering machine asking him to contact me if he wanted to go out with me sometime.
After a couple of days, he did contact me and we arranged to meet up. We have been happily married for over ten years. If I had not plucked up the courage to telephone him would my life have turned out differently? Who knows, maybe he would have telephoned me eventually.
Does this all sound familiar to you? A fear of rejection is a feeling that has affected most of us at some time in our life.
Have you?
•Watched a girl or boy in your schoolroom and tried to pluck up the courage to ask them out;
•Watched the clock whilst hoping that your date actually shows up;
•Been dumped by your first love and felt that you are inadequate and will not find someone else;
•Not gone for a promotion because you do not think that you are good enough;
•Kept quite when people around you are discussing a subject just in case you make yourself look silly?
Someone who is worried about how they are perceived is in danger of making their own life a misery because they will feel that they can no longer speak their own mind. This normally occurs with the younger generations who crave attention and acceptance so they copy their peers by dressing, talking or acting like them so that they do not get rejected by them.
In conclusion, someone who fears rejection will ultimately be rejected by the people they want to please and who love them dearly. A person who has the inclination to please others will soon get absorbed into a hard cycle of rejection. Their behaviour will keep the people they care about alienated from them. They see this as rejection and then the cycle continues. As I did, you have to learn to break the cycle to beat the fear of rejection to secure happiness.
Dawn Robertshaw has written numerous articles and ebooks on coping with life in the 21st century. For more free articles, tips, advice and a range of health and relationship targeted information products in written and audio form for immediate download visit us at
http://www.InThe21stCentury.com
